Mental Health Awareness – Unleashing The Dark Clouds Within…
If I told you that behind this smile there hid a thousand dark thoughts, would you believe me or find yourself questioning it?
A smile can portray so many things – the one I am most particularly good at, is the one where I hide all of the layers of it within. The pain, the suffering, self doubt, the isolation to the fear, a never ending emptiness… all of what fills my head with daunting dark clouds that linger and sway, constantly moving about.
They bring me rage, sadness, heartache, and empty smiles. Smiles that are fake and filled with lies. Saying instead that everything is alright. That my life is nothing but daisy’s and butterflies, and I am happy and thriving. When in actuality, my inner core is literally being ripped apart.
The grips of its despair chokes me at times, leaving my nails digging deeper in. Desperately holding onto that last fraying string of hope, yet the edges are too torn and tattered to see the light beyond it. I fall to my knees and pray for better days. The days that I can genuinely laugh and smile, while feeling complete and whole once again. I seek out and long for those distant happy vibrations, frantically searching for that feel good nostalgia that somehow left me cold and wild deep down in.
It’s a constant undying process your mind, body, and soul moves through. Much like that of a roller coaster. Climbing the hill in anticipation and fear of what is just over it, while waiting for that big drop as your feelings get ready to implode beyond your reach – becoming furthermore exhausting and depleting than before. You struggle and fight so much of it every day, to only find yourself faced with yet another debilitating trial on a different day. When do the emotions stop? How can I feel so damn much all of the time?
They say the weak are some of the strongest. Sometimes I don’t know how strong I truly possibly can be? I’ve used so much of my strength most of my life, that I can’t help but feel so much of it has washed up and dried away. Yet, somehow, my core still remains…
This is the mind of a mental health disorder.
**May is mental health awareness month. Each year millions of people fall victim to some sort of mental health disorder and find themselves all alone, possibly afraid and even suffering. It’s time to shine our lights deep within, and show the world we are NOT alone in our battles. Stay kind, be compassionate, and check on those around you from time to time.