How I learned to have TOUGH SKIN in motherhood & why it’s important…

February 12, 2020

Motherhood comes with a whole new set of boundaries and learning curves that you probably never even flinched an eye over or considered pre-kids.  For many, we go into motherhood/parenthood thinking “Oh, it can’t really be THAT BAD, can it?”  Well, the answer is yes & no.  While motherhood and parenting are extremely rewarding in more ways than one, it also comes with a lot of challenges, stresses, and overwhelming moments.

I would have once described my mothering style to be very type A.  I was strict, stern, firm, had a slew of do’s & don’ts, what was & wasn’t allowed, and to be fair – pretty much helicoptered the heck out of my first two kiddos.  My second born started emerging his strong-willed personality around the age of 3.  He was about to change my life, mothering skills, and way of thinking to a whole new level & I didn’t even know it.

At the same time he was entering upon this new found strong-willed mindset, I was just giving birth to twins!  Talk about a major overload in more ways than one.  Not to mention, a daughter who was just about to start kindergarten.  My hands were definitely FULL as much as my plate was!  The demands of keeping up with two tiny infants and a defiant 3 year old along with a 5 year old, was enough to make my head spin a million times over.

I will never forget the first day I mustered up the courage to take all four kids out in public by myself!!!  Guys, I talked myself out of that situation so many times before it.  Playing every worse case scenario in my head and eventually chickening out.  But the thing is, you can’t hide forever.  Especially as a SAHM who is depended upon to run the house, do the errands, cooking, bills (& the list goes on).  The day I finally took that brave leap of faith, I can assure you I built up the highest amount of anxiety in my head over that one trip alone.

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However, what I quickly learned is that as a mother, you have to have thick skin and not give a single thought or care to what others think or say, or how they might perceive you and your kids & your specific situation. I often get told how admirable my strength is when it comes to this mindset or attitude.  However, it really is something all of us mama’s need to learn to have and let go of the pressures of being that “perfect/ideal mom”.  In the end NONE of us, and I mean NONE OF US are perfect mom’s.  No, Nancy… you do NOT have your life all together!  Stop mom-shaming and covering up your hidden life behind negative words and judgement.

This past weekend we went out with all four kids as we often do, because how else do you mange to have fun or do anything if you just stay at home 24/7?  The minute we stepped foot inside the store the kids became unglued.  Well, one in particular and mostly – which is my strong-willed kid.  He was embarrassing and not to mention LOUD a few times!  One occasion picking his nose to the next, blurting out that the store should all fart now.

I could have in that moment panicked and looked over my shoulder to see who heard him, meet their eyes with a stare down or eye-roll, and then mom-shame myself internally.  But, I didn’t.  Here’s why… I DO NOT CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME OR MY FAMILY.  It’s not their place to judge me!  It’s not their place to judge my kids.  I will handle them on my own how I see fit and choose to.  I have learned to adapt to roll with the punches of having kids and the territory that it comes with.

Just because my child blurts something obscene out, does NOT make me a bad parent or reflect a negligent parenting style on my behalf at home.  No one see’s what actually goes on behind my closed doors.  No one see’s me fight day in and day out with my strong-willed and 100% defiant child.  No one see’s the stress, anger, hurt, and tears that run down my face on the days I feel absolutely defeated.  Therefore, it is not my place to beat own myself up over something my CHILD chooses to say or do.  I do not control their thoughts, their brain, or their body to willingly do as they please.

I control a small portion of them, and one that I do my best at day in and day out to mold and shape them into a decent, kind, respecting, and humble human being.  Many days, it feels like I am far from having those kinds of kids.  But, I don’t stop just because I feel like I am not fully “winning” at this motherhood journey.

One day, I know my kids will be grown and come back to me just like I have done with my parents, and say: “Mom/Dad, thank you for teaching me all the values and lessons you did.  I know I was so hard on you and probably made your life more difficult or a complete challenge at the time, but I want you to know that because of you, I am proud of the person I have become today.”  And that my fellow mama’s and friends, is what this motherhood & parenthood journey is REALLY about.

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25 Comments

  • Tara Pittman (@momknowsbest15)

    February 12, 2020 at 7:01 pm

    That would be me in the store with my youngest boys. They are loud and also ride on the bottom of the cart. You are a great mom!

    1. lifewithtwinsplus2

      February 13, 2020 at 12:30 pm

      People probably look at me the most for letting them ride at the bottom of the cart. I don’t even care anymore! They are at least not running around the store potentially grabbing/breaking something!

  • Amber Myers

    February 12, 2020 at 7:02 pm

    I try to always do the same! I let things roll off and try not to fret the small stuff.

    1. lifewithtwinsplus2

      February 13, 2020 at 12:29 pm

      I fretted so much, it just started my anxiety to spiral out of control. There are enough pressures in and of motherhood itself, that adding to it does not help us in way, shape, or form.

  • heatherwriterslifeforyoucom

    February 12, 2020 at 8:53 pm

    How on Earth did you manage with four kids at the store? I think that mothers are the unsung heroes so great job. And twins too!

    1. lifewithtwinsplus2

      February 13, 2020 at 12:28 pm

      I often wonder how I manage a lot of times. The more kids you have, the more of a scene there usually is to follow. Especially with twins, as they feed off of one another’s energy. Not all the time, but a lot of time. It’s very hard wrangling multiple children back in, and getting them focused and listening. I couldn’t agree more with you. Thank You!

  • Cindy E Ingalls

    February 12, 2020 at 10:53 pm

    I have a 10 month old grandson so I’m mothering all over again. It’s very different this time!

    1. lifewithtwinsplus2

      February 13, 2020 at 12:27 pm

      My kids act their best with my mother. I wish they would with me. Ha…

  • crisshex88

    February 13, 2020 at 2:59 am

    Since I was a child, I learned to be disciplined, there is nothing worse than going around shops and seeing tarantulated children screaming and crying!

    1. lifewithtwinsplus2

      February 13, 2020 at 12:26 pm

      I am all about discipline and by no means am saying that isn’t involved However, kids are still going to behave whatever way they feel at that moment. Disciplined or not. Seeing or hearing a child scream or throw a tantrum is not the end of the world. If you don’t like it or can’t handle it, walk across the store in the opposite direction. Kids are tiny human beings trying to figure out how to deal with their emotions. I will not publicly shame my kid for the sake of pleasing narrow minded shoppers who don’t like or agree with their behavior.

  • GiGi Eats Celebrities

    February 13, 2020 at 7:16 am

    I have thick skin. And interestingly enough I feel like people just feel that energy about me because I don’t get mom shamed, and if my kid does something ridiculous or what have you, I just deal with it. We are all human, so I assume people should know that kids are going to act up sometimes.

    1. lifewithtwinsplus2

      February 13, 2020 at 12:22 pm

      I feel the same way. I have never personally been a victim of mom-shaming completely. At worst, I have met that person with an eye roll or sigh. But, most of the time I don’t even pay attention or care. Gotta hold your head high as a mama.

  • Krysten (@WeirdGirlBlog)

    February 13, 2020 at 8:57 am

    I struggle with having a thick skin in general so I can’t imagine what it must be like when you’re a mother. This is a FANTASTIC post, thanks for sharing!

    1. lifewithtwinsplus2

      February 13, 2020 at 12:21 pm

      I am sorry to hear that. It takes some work, but with time you learn to let it all go.

  • Marie

    February 13, 2020 at 12:11 pm

    If anybody else has kids, they are not judging you because they’ve been there! And for those that don’t have kids, they don’t understand the ins and outs of daily life with kids so they can judge until they find out for themselves. And that is fine for you because you know how your life works!!! Good for you for getting out there!

    1. lifewithtwinsplus2

      February 13, 2020 at 12:18 pm

      Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. I have seen other mom’s judge, though. However, I have also had other mom’s laugh and nod in solidarity. It really depends on each case and person. But, no matter what… I stopped letting get to me. Others opinions and thoughts do not represent me in way, shape, or form.

      1. Marie

        February 13, 2020 at 3:37 pm

        Yes! The older I got, the less I let it get to me. We have enough on our plate without worrying about all of that silly stuff. Hugs to you–you’re doing great!

  • Corinne ❄️ (@WhatCorinneDid)

    February 13, 2020 at 7:53 pm

    Those photos are so cute! I am admiring of anyone who can keep sane while raising kids!

    1. lifewithtwinsplus2

      February 16, 2020 at 12:36 pm

      It’s not an easy job! 😅 We totally understand our parents later on.

  • KishaRose

    February 13, 2020 at 8:27 pm

    You are doing fabulous! I love that you see the ups and downs but you embrace your love for your children. So beautiful.

    1. lifewithtwinsplus2

      February 16, 2020 at 12:36 pm

      Thank You very much!

  • sdamasceno

    February 21, 2020 at 6:07 pm

    I’m not a mother yet but this was actually really helpful to read. I love to learn about motherhood and it’s something I look forward to.

  • SabrinaLee

    March 7, 2020 at 9:26 am

    Love this, couldn’t be more true.

  • athinakaterina

    March 10, 2020 at 12:32 pm

    I have a one-year-old son and he’s the light of my life… and as you know, leaving the house is always an adventure. SO much respect for you and your family. You are a rockstar.

    1. lifewithtwinsplus2

      March 10, 2020 at 12:37 pm

      Aww… thank you so much! That means a lot. I think we all are rockstars! 😉

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